Glimpse of the Future

Mentally Drained

2010-06-09T03:10:00.001+08:00

Tired. Thats the way i feel now. Goodnight World.

Emo Post

2010-06-02T01:20:00.002+08:00

When things fall apart, what do you do?
A: Put them back together.

When they fall apart a second time, What do you do?
A: Glue them back together.

The Third Time?
A: Look for the cause of it and eliminate the problem.

The Fourth Time?
A: I Dont Know

Laughter

2010-05-27T00:20:00.001+08:00

If all else fail, smile. :D

Aching Mouth and Body

2010-05-26T01:13:00.003+08:00

Long Day today.. 10am to 6pm. was kinda drained by then. had my gems test in the evening. not sure if i screwed it up. :P

As usual, had lots of laughter with my classmates.. especially pei ying. She finally revealed her true colours today. Now my whole class knows about her, right pei ying! :P

going to finish up my blaw and than go to sleep. Till next time..

Some things are best left unsaid

Fruitful Day

2010-05-25T01:01:00.002+08:00

Woke up early in the morning and went to school. reached at 11am and saw zh and sl. lol, studied with them and manage to get into the study mood. First class was IHRO. Seriously whats happening to all the lecturers? Not seeing her for 3 weeks and she's a totally change person. Couldnt get any info from her with regards to the upcoming MSTs.

Oh well, cant be bothered. Anyway, its confirm that DTRM Camp will be a 2 Day 1 Night affair. Cant be too bothered or what to argue more for it. Shall make do with what is given already. Hope everything will run smoothly, thats all..

Oh yeah, in FMAH class today. Linus, ZH and Nigel was being super random and asking me about relationship stuff. Within the two hour we manage to cram a piece of paper with all of the nonsensical questions. Quote of the day was "Want woo jiu woo, dont ever regret. Thats the thing." Its quite true anyway. whats the point of looking back when u are 5 years older and start thinking to yourself. What if i had taken that step last time?

FBM Project is a chore, glad that my group was efficient and managed to finish everything up sans mine and nigel's own reflection. Got to hand it to shannon for being super efficient. Thanks yeah!

Now, there's 3 more projects. lets hope everything will be settled asap. MSTs are coming up, got to concentrate and see what can be done. Not been in the best of condition the past few weeks. Hope that everything will turn out fine!

Lastly, went to island cremary with yuduan today. Super random. Ran finish around school, came back, slack in clubhouse for close to one hour. and she decided to kidnap me and go there. -_-, nevertheless, it was refreshing to talk to her. lol, see her so ke lian cant even walk properly after her 25km run last sat so accompanied her home. "Lets go makan some other stuff sometime yeah"

Shoutouts!

ZH: Believe in yourself yeah!

Linus: Go for it lah. Dont shy shy le

Nigel: Talk more can!

DTRM 04: Look out for the chalet in Sep yeah

U: dont so blur le can

yu duan: Sleep more lah!

thats all i guess. Need to go complete my FBM tutorial, finish the FBM report than read a bit of my gems note for the test tomorrow. Hope it will be ok! :D

Live and enjoy the moment

Tired

2010-05-23T02:04:00.004+08:00

2am in the morning.. and i'm still wide awake.. so what happen to my first weekend back in singapore after johor?? woke up at around 11, bath, change and went out of my house. realized that i spend quite a lot of time in stadiums nowadays..

anyway, before i forget.. there's several ppl that i wanna give a shoutout to.. first of all!

Jenn Zhuang! when will u be free uh?? busy women leh.. shift to west coast become even busier le! what is this!

Yu Duan, Movie together sometime soon k.. sorry for being so busy myself.. Take care of ur own health ok!

Xue Li, hey.. will find time to meet up soon k!

kanasai! take care lah.. haiyoyo.. ur health is important de!

Talk to some ppl today.. saw how strong an emotion can cause someone to act. that is something that i can respect

and to end of this post, a question to myself. how much more can my body take before i fall?? hmm.. shall see when is the limit..

2010-05-22T23:22:00.002+08:00

In Love, its either you love, or you dont.
Thats what the old ah mah and ah pek always tell us youngsters.
But,
how do we know what is the correct choice to make to make the person happy?

Diary

2009-12-27T04:27:00.003+08:00

Shifting over to write in my diary for now.. some things are meant to be kept in the heart

Settled

2009-12-25T03:46:00.002+08:00

Just finish playing mahjong.. lost $6.40, oh well, win some days and lose somedays.. thats how life is..

Speaking about life, i guess that my life has really shook itself up and everything has change since last year. Last year this time i was at Takashimaya working and waiting for my results. There was also the fear of her.. but now, everythings change. Life has to go on..

To you girl, i dont know what game is being played here, but i hope.. that things can work itself out.

"I have neither looks nor riches, all i can promise you is my heart. Will that be enough for you?"

hmm..

tears

2009-12-18T01:31:00.000+08:00

tears streaming, wipe them away? or leave them be?

Life Path's

2009-12-18T00:52:00.002+08:00

Happy bday to both linus and faizah.. hope u two enjoyed today..

Left or Right, Up or Down, Stop or Move.. whats the correct answer?

sad stories

2009-12-16T20:27:00.003+08:00

been hearing too much sad stories nowadays.. making me think back i guess.. to everyone and everything that happen, life goes on.. thats the only thing that we can look forward too

sleep

2009-12-06T00:21:00.000+08:00

breath.. relax.. smile.. and everythings ready!

because of you

2009-12-03T01:01:00.002+08:00

was prepared for this luckily.. if not i would have become speechless.. its one thing to know that what you had suspected all along was true.. another thing to know that its the truth..

maybe all they have said is true, it just doesnt pay to know too many things.. cause somethings, it will come back and haunt you de.. all thats left now is the MSTS.. and than i can throw myself into planning my events..

because of you i never stray too far from the sidewalk
because of you i learnt to play on the safe side so i dont get hurt
because of you i try my hardest to forget everything
because of you i dont know how to let anyone else in

its true what people say, because of just one person.. an entire life can be changed.. can be transformed but whether its good or bad.. that remains to be seen.. heard too many stories and now.. its time to look back at what we have done so far..

World's End, what to do?? LOL

2009-11-22T08:38:00.002+08:00

Caught this movie yesterday with Zheng Hui, Linus and Nigel.. Found it quite meaningful and touching.. when the world is ending.. what are we all left with? The phrase that stuck with me "When we stop fighting for humanity, thats when we lose our humanity". Its true i guess.. recent events that happened has make me rethink of the way i treat people around me.

Maybe its just me, but i guess that i'm feeling a bit ashame of myself for treating her this way. If only we had tried harder, if only we didnt stop trying, maybe things wouldnt have come to this? To make a person feel lonely when he or she is surrounded by people is a very sad and wrong thing to do. Are we considered a better person, just cause everyone around us is ok with us and our way of behaving? Yes, he or she might have some flaws but dont all of us have?

Its too late to do anything now, just take it as a lesson learnt for me. A wake up call to myself to treat everyone the same no matter what they are like. :D

Anyway, back to the movie, it was really great! got me thinking about how we should behave as a leader, a citizen, and last of all, A HUMAN. And of course, the love story that goes on inside the story is a reminder to myself that life is SHORT. Live each day as it is and dont ever regret for anything. For all those who are always wondering should i ask him/her out, go ahead and do it. You will never know what might happen tomorrow!

So, a checklist for myself:

Dont regret no matter what i do.
Strive my best in both my studies and my life.
Be happy always.
Quickly find my soulmate i guess?

And lastly, hope that the FOC will go well next year..

"If there is one thing i have ever learn in my life, it is that LIFE GOES ON"

strong?

2009-11-15T22:05:00.004+08:00

if life was easy, wouldnt it be happier?

sticks and stone cant break me but words can cut me to shreds.
if i dont care, what will the world turn into.
if i didnt do all these, than its my fault again.
why cant you seem to understand,
the things i do, i do them for a reason.
"fuck care them", thats what you say.
but if i really did that,
that wouldnt be me anymore right.
so what if i'm on the school honour roll,
when you dont even bother to ask about it.
ever since i make this decision,
u couldnt be less bothered anymore.
i'm already trying my best,
but is it enough to win just a bit of approval.
"check your attitude, its getting from bad to worst"
why am i always the one getting all these?
is any of the things i do wrong at all?
trying to do my best,
to give my all,
to care.
whats wrong with being this way?
now do u ever wonder,
why am i out of the house so much?
why do i love going to camps?

heart talk

2009-11-11T00:38:00.000+08:00

Listen to your heart

when she's calling for you.

Listen to your heart

there's nothing else you can do.

I don't know where you're going

and I don't know why,

but listen to your heart

before you tell her goodbye.

guess thats whats in my heart now?

masks

2009-11-11T00:31:00.000+08:00

its getting dumber and dumber.. -_-, whats wrong with my head!!

98324853

2009-11-11T00:23:00.000+08:00

who's willing?

sometimes, somewhere

2009-11-11T00:11:00.002+08:00

front to back or back to front.. white or black or in between.. yes or no or i dont know.. sometimes, its easier to be indifferent.. if only the world is simpler.. if only everyone dared.. if only things are much clearer..

when its only murky darkness that i see.. when there's total darkness in everything.. where's the hope for a better tomorrow?

is it that hard? or is it my own weakness? i don noe.. when the hope's too high, the fall will be high too..

somewhat the truth?

2009-11-08T10:27:00.003+08:00

But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby Like I did - before
You're not sorry, no no, ohhh
-taylor swift, you are not sorry-

sometimes, all it takes, is just a glimpse of the endless possbilities, and your mind will be spinning with all the hopes and dreams. Got to buckle down and GET MY HEAD IN THE GAME.

a wistful smile,
are all thats left,
of the words thats between us.

Mutterings

2009-11-06T01:04:00.003+08:00

No matter what stuff happens, we must always remember where we come from and who we are. What we are made of inside. Our values, principles and character will shape who we are and it is these things that we must always guard properly to ensure that it is not tampered with.

Sometimes, things wouldnt go your way, and we have to deal with it but no matter what, we must always ensure that we are in control of our thoughts and emotions. Never let the situation control you.

My mind is telling me one thing, but the heart another. And the decision to listen to who will depend on the things i see, the experiences that i had been through and all these, will make the difference.

Without the right to see myself and know myself clearly, i will fall, and fall terribly. Power is one thing. But to gain all these power at the expense of people, thats so wrong. Its like a double edge sword that we must always handle with care least we cut ourself with it.

Should I or should I not? Its something to be considered as in the end, the one that will be of consequences shall be on ourself. And of course, we wouldnt want anything that will tear us apart like a rag doll.

Stronger

2009-10-30T00:51:00.002+08:00

Meaningful Quotes

Seems strange that so many things can happen between two person, when both person could be living happily but they are not.. seems even more strange how a fairytale love story could turn into something so wrong.

No matter what happens, it comes down to this question: Either you love or you dont. And once thats sorted out, its easier to continue down the path u have chosen. Until you decide to choose the other option.

Its always true that bystanders see the most clearly, that we are able to know whats going on with both parties. You ask, " If only he knows how much pain i am feeling now for the way his treating me, if only he would care" If he know's, he wouldnt be doing this.. If everyone know what others will feel abou them, than they wouldnt be doing all sorts of things..

He will never know and why should he know what you are feeling? For you are the one feeling it and not him. He might not even care, or he might but because he doesnt wish to be involved anymore, his pulling out..

Cry once, and learn from it.. these thorns in life are there for you to trip over and to hurt yourself on. But once pass, they will provide you with the invaluable lesson that "life goes on".

One time

2009-10-28T22:04:00.000+08:00

one love
my one heart
my one life for sure
let me tell you one time, girl I love, girl I love you
I'll be your one guy
you'll be my #1 girl,
always making time for you
I'ma tell you one time

Something i read

2009-10-27T00:38:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, we dont realise that we are going overboard with our emotions while searching for the perfect person. We constantly live in denial that the perfect person is just somewhere out there.

Sadly to say, that "perfect person" has flaws as well. There is always something wrong with the person we meet, and we (blindly) choose to overlook the good qualities in them.

The fundemental truth:
The problem lies in our incapability of acceptances.
That builts a brittle foundation in the relationship
as we continue to search in vain for perfection.
-Audrey-

That was from a friend of a friend.. found it super meaningful.. and true too.. people are always in search of perfection, the perfect someone out there. When u break up, dont ppl always tell you "Dont worry, ur prince charming is just out there waiting for you." But how true can that be?

When you are sitting alone on the mrt, and there's a couple sitting opposite you, dont you sometimes wonder, what is it that makes them stick together no matter what? to make them hold on to each other despite each others flaw..

Sometimes, all of us just has to lower our own expectations and be thankful for what we have.. this, will ultimately make all of us happier..

without a doubt,
u blew me away.
and all thats left,
is my own ashes.

why

2009-10-24T00:18:00.003+08:00

when something happens, i'm the one. when something is needed, i'm the one. when the call for help comes, i'm the one. when push comes to shove, i'm the one.

one question: why?

going through the motions

2009-10-20T23:25:00.003+08:00

though its just the second day of school, can see that projects are going to pile up and assignments too, don really have the motivation to do anything for today, reach home and slacked all the way.. got to snap out of this.. everyday's going to turn out like the others.. and school hour's are crazy..

so what does these all mean? all those crazy feelings, emotions, thoughts and senses.. every action done and all, what does it all represent? make sense of it? i wish i could, but its just hard sometimes.. i don like it, when all these comes about again.. and i start to question once more.. trying to live through everyday, its nerve wrecking. i cant seem to get a grip, when it comes down to it, am i what i propose to be, what i set out to be? am i worthy of all these, values, responsibility and feelings, am i suppose to feel this way..

looking back

2009-10-14T02:13:00.003+08:00

seeing how things turn out, guess that i make the right choice ba..

looking back through the years, seems that every little incident, heartaches, emotions felt.. was a lesson in itself. teaching me how to go on with life and smile every single day no matter what. things may not turn out the way that i want, but the fact that it turn out at all, just goes to show that life will still go on even if we wallow in self pity and all that kind of stuff..

to all my friends, those whom i talk to regularly and those whom i might have neglected, thanks for all the lessons you guys taught me, the memories shared, the tears cried.. i appreciate each and every single one of you. Those lessons form part of me now, and they will forever be there for me to fall back on and learn and know that in this world, as long as we smile, it will be alright.

friends,
are somebody,
that you need, yearn, love
and can never live without..

Infatuation and Mature Love, whats the difference?

2009-10-08T10:09:00.003+08:00

Was out yesterday with yu duan, went to see the movie called surrogates.. its a show where everyone has a robot that is tune to their brainwaves. All they have to do is stay at home, plug in to the machine and they can send their robots out to live their life.

Watching the show, it reminds me of how alike everyone is. With regards to wearing masks and all. Everyone will always have some kind of mask in place to show the world, never daring to show the world the true face of themselves. Fearing to get hurt and all..

Was walking around shawhouse before the movie and saw many couples.. all in their secondary school clothings, wonder if what they have is true love or just infatuation. And besides, how do they distinguish it anyway. Today, the guy might tell the girl she's the most beautiful woman he has ever lay eyes on. Tomorrow, he might tell her, i need my freedom, i dont want to be shackeld down to a relationship. So what must the girl do?

Immature love says: I love you because i need you.
Mature love says: I need you because i love you.
-Eric Fromm-

Without a doubt, this feeling sucks

2009-10-07T09:52:00.003+08:00

All my camps are over le, M.A.D camp let me understand the dynamics of working with my OC's. It's also the last camp that the year two's will be having with us. Thanks for everything. To the facils side, thanks for introducing me to the world of poly life from the start and showing me how a good facil can influence a group of people and leave them wanting to become facils. To my seniors, thanks for showing us the ropes of our trade and trusting us to do our jobs.

Its been only one semester but it feels like years since i have known them. Hope that all of you will succeed in your chosen field and be happy always.

Went and bought Chicken Soup for the Soul: Love Stories, been reading through them and their quotes and phrases are super meaningful.. Been thinking quite a lot these days, there seems to be a hundred and one thing to do but i am determined to finish everything. For those stuff that i had tried my best and still failed, all i can say is that, i tried le.

if its meant to be mine, it will be. no amount of forcing will cause it to be mine. So all i can do is just to take a step back and let go...

If i never met you, i wouldnt like you.

If i didnt like you, i wouldnt fall in love with you.

If i didnt fall in love with you, i wouldnt miss you.

But i did, i do and i will.

CRUISE

2009-10-06T00:02:00.004+08:00

Melvin, Zheng Hui, Keith and My Cabin!
Pretty Pretty!

Shaolin Temple, HERE I COME!

Candid shot!

Behave urself ar..

Day 1

Reached SP at like 8.40am, saw only 1/3 of my class there.. and all of them brought luggage bag, was really worried cause all i brought was a sports bag. lol.. and besides, they were all like wearing semi formal while i was wearing slacks.. -_-

left SP around 10plus 11am, reached harbourfront and waited all the way till 1plus 2pm.. only got onto SUPERSTAR VIRGO at 2plus! The ship only started sailing at 4pm. Put down my bag in my cabin and immediately went to makan. Due to Ameer's diet restriction, the guys went into the mediterranian to makan, the food was alright, though not that used to it.. lol.. and over the next few days, that place became the place where we would go to find each other if we ever get lost.

after that, there was a safety drill and a bit of games and the YMCA dance, than it was free and easy all the way.. played some mahjong with my classmates and than joined the 06 and 07 guys for some bball on the open deck. it was damm cool to be playing bball on top of the ship. the wind was super strong! attempted a shot and the ball didnt even reached the rim at all, -_- thats how strong the wind was... rachel and pui fun went to bought wine for us, lol.. drank a bit..

slept at around 3am that night.

Day 2

Had breakfast at the mediterranian again and than, some talks by the crew members. couldnt be bothered to really listen, so on my hp recorder and fell asleep for a short while, in the end, ask one question and thats it. around two pm, we arrived in penang and visited G Hotel. got to admit that it was quite stylish and i like the rooms there, though the surrounding areas were not much to admire about.. their honeymoon suite is super interesting. Brought a totally new meaning to the term, open and trust in each other, lol..

didnt have time to shop at gurney plaza after that and we were whisked off to some other local shop where they sell local products. their signiture item was tau sar pia. tasted one mouthful, decided to buy, took a packet, walk three steps and turn back and put them back. remembered that when 2nd aunt and uncle buy them for us, my family don really eat de, so don wanna waste the money. reached back the cruise ship around evening time... was intending to go to bella vista for dinner, in the end, went to mediterranian again.. lol.. played cards in wei siong's room and than went back to sleep around 3am again...

Day 3

woke up in the morning and rushed to prepare for the trip to phuket. got to say that i enjoyed myself more here than in penang. the weather was hotter by 1 or 2 degree celcius. As we were ahead of schedule, the lecturers decided to bring us to visit a local temple. there were lots of dogs there! and they were super cute too! lol.. the statues were beautiful too. did a bit of shopping at the local market there and bought some souvenirs..

after that, proceeded to the prince of songkla university to visit their tourism faculty. took a walk around the school. than, was brought to a hotel for dinner before we were allowed to go and shop at patong beach. The shopping was good, lol.. totally enjoyed the experience. walk past a shop that sell handmatte, like it a lot but luckily i didnt buy. the person was like trying to rip me off, after that, walk to another store and i manage to get what i wanted. a pair of handmatte cost like $50, if i buy in singapore, it will cost like $120 and above. i have still yet to try it out yet, lol.. so not too sure about the quality. bought a pair of shades too..

went back to the cruise after that to prepare for gala night. oh yeah, at the embarking area, there was a mini market too, bought myself a hat there.. lol.. and while waiting for linus, zheng hui, the rain came and i had to run all the way up the ship. got drenched badly.

gala night was a blast, everyone look so formal and presentable and not like our usual self, lol.. 05 guys all wore tux! super surprising, and all the girls were like dolled up and all.. the dinner was so so, but the experience of being there really rocks.. after all the hype, wash up, change into slacks and wonder around the ship, as it was the last night, i didnt sleep till like 6am? had breakfast at the blue lagoon at 3.30am with kok woon and paul. lol.. than wonder around the cruise ship thinking about stuff..

Day 4

bought two photos from the ship, one is the class during gala night and the other is myself with mr penguin! since it was the last day, went to the jacuzzi and soak myself for like one hour, was a red lobster after that. lol.. totally enjoyed myself during this trip. disembarkation was faster and i was off the cruise at around 7.30pm.. decided to have dinner at harbourfront with rachel and only reached home around 11pm. unpacked everything and fell back into bed and slept!

Choosing DIPLOMA IN TOURISM AND RESORT MANAGEMENT in SINGAPORE POLYTECHINC was one of the best choice that i have made in my life. For without it, i wouldnt have the chance to go on a cruise and enjoyed myself. I wouldnt have the chance to bond with the class and i would never get to see the back end of the ship and wonder how it works. Thank you to the lectuers and school for organising it for us. Really appreciate it. Was thinking to myself on the cruise, the next time i will be on a cruise will be either with my wife or when i'm like 30plus year old le. So this trip is really special and unique as it was a once in a life time opportunity for me. Had lots of memories there and i wished that the ship could have gone on and on and never end..

I guess thats it ba,

what could have happen,

will never happen,

and it seems that,

the feelings gone..

Cruise

2009-10-01T14:35:00.002+08:00

guess that i will be doing a post on this like next week, need to prepare for mad camp.. all i can say is, cruise was a interesting and eventful experience..

i dont mind spending everyday,
around the corner in the pouring rain,
look for the girl with the broken smile,
ask her if she wants to stay awhile..
for she will, be love..

from now..

2009-09-24T21:25:00.002+08:00

ok.. i don wanna post in details about the camps le.. lol.. just that, both GYL and DTRM CAMP was a blast and i really enjoyed it.. make lots of friends and know a lot more ppl.. lol.. just finished my facils camp and now, currently waiting for cruise trip this coming sunday..

been thinking through my own stuff now.. seems like life's revolving around camps.. i need to get a life! but thats only possible after next week.. so its still on hold, oh well.. no choice than..

it seems like whichever way i turn, its staring me right in the face.. and i don understand.. whats so fascinating about it.. that people are always searching constantly for it.. and even when they found it.. they will be so helpless to do anything about it.. afraid that whatever they do.. its the wrong thing.. whats my option now.. to go forward or stay.. for i really don noe.. and it seems like.. its gonna tear me up one of this day.. i really hope that answers will present themselves.. and i can find the correct solution.. i hope, i wish.. that things will turn out fine..

and its true what my elders say, what my seniors say.. now than i understand what those sad love quotes mean..
"The hardest thing to do, is watch the one you love, love someone else"
"When i see you smile and know that its not meant for me, thats when i miss you the most"
"While i was holding on, all you did was let go"

its all true, :D

dreams

2009-09-24T09:15:00.001+08:00

its been donkey years since i dreamt of something, especially after coming back from a camp.. whats going on inside here?

BUSY

2009-09-20T23:18:00.004+08:00

promise to update soon!! for now, some pics of my two camps,

when u smile, it lights up my day

laziness!

2009-09-18T00:02:00.002+08:00

i'm super lazy to post on the GYL camp and DTRM camp now.. will do it by this weekend i guess.. lol..

for without a doubt, u have captured my heart

push to the limits

2009-09-06T22:35:00.000+08:00

if every single time its to be like this, than i rather remain silent, when i do my best, there's always the push to do even better, when i commit a mistake, there's always the harsh words and the scoldings to look forward to, where's the innocence that youth are suppose to have? in the race to become independant and to ensure that we will be better, is human compassion sacrificed? what must we do to make sure that its never lost?

if you rather i spent my days hanging around, and doing nothing, than just tell me straight.. why do i need to strive so hard? The work that i do, its only a temporary relief to ensure that i can get back every month.. where did all the love go?

silently screaming, its getting harder to concentrate..

a fairytale ending

2009-09-05T23:25:00.000+08:00

everyone hopes to have a fairytale love story, u meet the girl of your dream, she likes you too and you two ends up getting married and live happily ever after. who doesnt wish for this kind of love?

reality seems to be a contradiction to the stories we read, so many questiong souls, when do we know it will be our turn? and just something more to think about, is all these even worth all the hype?

before the light goes out

2009-09-05T23:02:00.000+08:00

woke up in the morning due to a call,

Ms Sue Pang: hello tony, this is your ITB lecturer.. the file that you have saved inside Ameer's disc isn't there. You need to come down to school today to meet me and pass me your file. It must be by today as i want to finish everything by today..
Tony: huh??? who are you?
Ms Sue Pang: Melvin need to meet me too, so you two meet up and than give me a call, i live near dover so when you guys reach, call me and i will come down.. thats all, bye..
Tony: bye

and fell back to my sleep.. woke up like 1 hour later and gave a call to melvin, finally realise what that call was about and arrange to meet him at two pm.. got up and started making calls to DBF class Chair.. settled the MAD camp stuff in the end.. washed up and went out to meet Melvin, after meeting Ms Pang, went mambo to play pool with him.. spent like one hour there before heading over to the gym.. got home like 3 hours ago, had my dinner and here i am now typing..

like lazy saturdays like these.. though it wouldnt be like this from monday onwards..

if his that bad, why do girls still like him? why do girls fall head over heels to get close to him.. the experiences of those before u, doesnt count for anything at all? and now that u finally have him, why are you complaining, isn't all these what you wanted? Isn't all these going the way you hoped it would..

the search for the reason why, will end only when she's ready to answer..

it is better to have love and lost, than to have never love at all

2009-09-05T01:36:00.002+08:00

is that true?? wondering about that sentence ever since someone said that to me a few days back.. it seems that most people would rather let the opportunity slip by, than take steps to ensure that they don miss out..

how many of us guys, can honestly say that even though we really want to know that particular girl, but we are so afraid of rejections that we will just stand there silently and just watch.. never mind that once she's gone, she's gone forever.. is it our own sense of unworthiness, that the girl will just reject us? who's to know what may happen??

oh well, that's just some thoughts that's running through my head after hearing that phrase.. these past few days was busy.. arranging for work, settle the SLAP programme and my Sb club side.. but enjoyed myself thoroughly.. especially with the Sec 1 sl's.. they are a bunch of nice kids.. hope Jennifer and me can teach them correctly the essential skills that they are gonna need in the future..

i'm back from training like 2 hours ago, body aching.. sparred with sir nas just now, but his punches are too fast for me, could only block his kicks and get some of my own in.. oh well, got to train more..

whatever it takes, whatever u do, whatever u think, all i ask is, what right do u have to judge who i am, what I'm worth, what my thoughts are, what my action proves, what i do is what i am, I'm just a normal guy living his life the way he wants.. lying down under the velvety sky staring into the fathomless night and imagining what life will be like in the future?

teachers day

2009-08-31T23:01:00.000+08:00

went back tss and met up with 4E1, the JC peeps was released late and thus, came late.. they reach around 12 plus but school was already over.. oh well.. TSS was lame as usual, school instructions state that we can only go in at ten thirty am, the celebrations ending at 11am u let us in at ten thirty whats the use?? in the end Mr wan brought me in and the DM Mr Tan brought the rest in.. nothing special about this year celebration.. very bandish.. lol..
saw my classmates and see how they change, need to arrange a meet up soon..

went gym and swimming with yu duan and jaclynn after that, yu duan left early to go rock climbing.. went home around 6 plus, ate my dinner surf the net and now here i am.. Jac Ass, this is not a emo blog, -_- its just the way i write can, and all those quotes and all that, are stuff that i find meaningful and something for me to think about when i have time.. lol..

look at the man on the streets, his walking pass you, whats the story of his life? whats his regrets, the wishes unfulfilled, the dreams that only he hears at night.. look at that single mum with her kid, does she imagine herself like this 10 years ago, with a kid in tow and her husband nowhere in sight.. each of us have our own story, but who bothers to stop and take a moment to ask around us, are u ok? if only ppl will do that, wouldnt the world be a better place?

whats with the pack mentality? that sticking with the norm is the best, if no one makes a difference, when can we grow to care more... at this stage in life, most of us are concern with only our grades, our life, the little dramas that make up part of our life... but underneath all those teenage angust, where's the love and concern for all. the classmate who's so quiet in class, she might be facing trouble that we cant comprehend.. all it takes is just a single person to ask, are u alright.. that will make a difference.

each of us are in search of something.. it might be success, riches or even the search for the right one.. but do pause for a moment, and think for those around us.. can we help anyone?

for those of us, looking around at all that the world has to offer, when will the right solution come along, to bring us closure for what we are seeking?

falling back...

2009-08-30T00:28:00.003+08:00

its surprising how things can change in a moment, how relationships can sour, how stuff can go wrong, how it seems like everything u do, its all wrong.. when u are scolded and potrayed out to be a useless idiot by those that u hold dearest to ur heart, when u are told that u don mean a thing by ppl whom u never imagine will say those words, the hurt that u feel, its excruciating..

when u tried explaining and no one wants to listen, when u give ur best and still, it falls short of what they want, its too much sometimes.. getting hit, falling down, getting up, smile and carry on, its wearing on the body and mind.. and sometimes, u wonder where can u turn to to find ur bandage, ur key to the lock..

i tried my best, its not enough, i try again, i get thrown out, now, i'm pulling out from everything.. maybe thats not the best option, but thats the least i can do.. to prevent anymore hurt to everyone..

worth it

2009-08-29T23:06:00.001+08:00

for what its worth, something must change.

reflections

2009-08-29T00:47:00.003+08:00

its going to be one am soon, i'm going to play one more game after i blog before turning in.. its been an exhausting week, what with the exams, the mio tv trouble and my family.. sometimes really wonder how i handle everything.. really dread the night sometimes, especially the timing between 10pm to 12 midnight.. its when things start to happen..

today morning woke up, brush teeth and started on selene's present.. wouldnt say what it is.. i'm glad that she like it.. hope that she can do well for her N level, really wish her well, she can always make me laugh de.. prepared and went out to meet jenn and jia ying, alvin ps us! lol.. cant blame him lah, his being fillial, buying things for grandpa.. :D

went to west coast plaza cafe to eat, filling meal, i like and its worth it for ten dollars! :D, ate baked rice with thai sauce plus soup of the day "cream of corn" and a cup of tea, nice nice! :D

back to TSS after that, saw a short run of their rehearsal for teachers day, there's lots of band! making me feel like going back on monday leh, how how?? stayed for only like one hour in TSS and rushed back to SP to collect the forms for FOSTER programme..

went to commonwealth long john and discuss all the plans for the SL SLAP programme with jenn, managed to clear up quite a number of stuff, than use the rest of the time to prepare for selene's present.. whoa, just realised, total hour's that i spent on this present, starbucks orchard: 3 hours plus this morning 3 hour plus this evening 1 hour so total around 7 hours at least i guess.. hmm..

training was kinda slack today, melvin came and experience what taekwondo is about, taught him the basic moves and let him try out the kicking, seems like his going to be a regular there.. thats good, got someone pei me slack every friday until 7pm, lol.. thats all for my day..

when you were sad and down, his the one that pick u up, before u became a beautiful swan, he was the one that held u and make u feel at peace with urself. where before u will run to him for comfort's sake, now, u are running in the opposite direction claiming that his irritating, where's the fairness to him, the love due to him, the loyalty to his faithfulness, where can he claim all these?

sadded.

2009-08-25T00:11:00.003+08:00

screwed up pacc paper, don even noe if i can pass, studied hard for it and the results like this, -_- what to do? GGT next, hope that my effort wont go down the drain, i so wanna enjoy my cruise trip de..

anyway, went back to tss in the morning to collect the record of service form for ONOW, glad to see that almost everyone got a good grade, so don need to worry.. didnt go and swim or anything, growing fat le, D: Mr o complain to me about a girl that joined too many cca, well, if she can handle it, why not? not that i wanna brag, i could handle 2 cca with heavy committement in it and still, my grades are grades that any parents will be proud of, so whats the big deal?

its the things u do that makes a difference to ur own life, if its things that u feel is important, than go ahead and do it..

people once said that when u hope too much, the disappointment is even greater to swallow.. i guess this old proverb is true.. when the stuff u feel might happen or could happen, and it didnt happen, its hard to pull urself back.. when u have given free rein to ur dreams to develop and someone just make it disappear with the things she/he do, it leaves u empty and wondering, when will it become a reality? do u continue hoping, or do u stop hoping completely?? tears drop, but who's there to wipe them away, lift u up and say everythings gonna be alright?

Happy Friday, Lousy Saturday

2009-08-23T00:51:00.004+08:00

Let me present to you my happygoluckykukuimmaturesupercrazysmallbut lovely Junior, "Selene Teo"!
P.S. Guess how old is she, XD

lol, took this picture with her on friday, she's the one thats always smiling no matter what, showed me magic trick as an excuse to hit me, -_-

glad to have known her, think back to like half a year ago, first time met her i thought that she was a typical ahlian, but turn out that i was wrong, NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER! She brightens up my day anyway, so thanks girl! but u are still not as cute as your cousin, :P.

lol, enjoyed my friday training, front kick and all those extra kicks that i'm too lazy to name were all there, the target felt nice too, only bad thing was that naz kick was too powerful, my poor hand suffered as a result from helping him hold the target, but watever, we help each other de! trained for two hours and spent the last hour looking around at the sparring.. didnt spar cause monday having exam, spent tis time talking to the abovementioned donkey and other ppl.. lol, had fun..

Saturday was spent mugging for exams, PACC is killing me, hope that i can finish all the exam paper 2mr and than i will start on GGT ASAP! Can somebody kindly tell me that GGT will be easy??

going to sleep now, tired out,

a message for someone:
hey, cheer up k, don sad! smile and u will be fine, life will always knock us down, it is up to us to stand firm and make sure that we will stay on top. Don be unhappy anymore, if u need someone to talk to, i'm here k! :D

The one we love, will always feel the most alien to us..

mutterings of the heart

2009-08-20T00:01:00.002+08:00

My Cousin Victor, My Sister Linda and Me!

Took this pic last saturday, saw shaula at the dinner too.. its been one week plus since i last updated my blog, busy with presentations, now there's just one more presentation left and than everythings done for this semester except for the module exams..

nothing much happen this week, except for the usual stuff, school and gym..

Went back to TSS today with Jennifer, talk and manage to see the sec 1s, seriously dont recognise any of them except for sharlene, sat in the office and tried my best to study, didnt work out, after that, went to play bball. Feels good to play after so long, SS and Mr Wan also came along and play, had fun, :D

got home and bath, ate my dinner and now here i am, blogging once more..

No matter how things turn out, how people always seem to be judging you, stand firm, look into urself, and know your own worth. Dont let others influence you or cloud your judgement. Be confident of your own stand, and everything will be alright.

Dont attempt to know more for sometimes, knowing more can be a curse. Dont wait for things to happen, make things happen. For sometimes, if you miss the opportunity, its gone forever. And all thats left is regret. You will never know what might have happen, what could have happen. All you will know is what did not happen.

Maybe its just the facts of life,

that its harder to gain,

than to lose,

life is such..

tired out

2009-08-14T01:14:00.000+08:00

RWPS presentation was a hassle, but at least its all over now, so gotta wait for results only, next up is EC and ITB, than its time to concentrate on the exams.. dread it..

its funny how thinkings and thoughts change, how the spirit and the will of a person can change over time, how things can get to the state where everything feels surreal, its been a long time since all these was here..

night world, i'm tired. from ___

stanza for the day:

its always the case,
when the one for u,
walk away from u,
and u feel,
as if the sun has gone out forevermore..

reminiscing, whats the next step?

2009-08-13T00:15:00.002+08:00

No pics for this post, gonna blog about the past few days and all the crazy/random thoughts running through my head..

two days ago was the talent-time finals night, everything went as smoothly as it could, though there were communication problems within the committee... the event kicked off at around 6.25pm but it ended at the estimated time of 8pm.. congrats once again to everyone who participated and especially to the champions of each category, fauzianna and renjie..

before each performer went up, i was at the backstage with them, tried my best to encourage each and everyone of them, especially Alyssa, she look especially worried, and keng lim had to go and give her the idea to pierce me with her fingernails, -_- oh well, in the end she won second place so congrats too!

cleared up and had a debrief at the clubhouse, i carried the damm keyboard all the way back to moberly and it was super heavy! almost died, lol, lucky i didnt drop, than our debrief, it was short as everyone was rushing home to complete projects and study..

enjoyed myself tremendously in this event, the competition may be over but the memories of this event will stay in everyone's heart forever, :D

yesterday lesson was a waste of time, went school in the morning for ITB, the lecturer taught for ten mintues, tell us she finish already, and left us to do our own project, lol.. wasted my time away as my group member wasnt there and i didnt feel like doing, went to tekong island after that, real eye opener, saw how the recruits train and how they live, two years plus later will be my turn, lol..

carried the SAR 21 rifle, surprisingly, even though they said that it's around 4kg, it feels the same as my laptop weight, even my classmates say so too, lol.. after that, went back to the mainland and went to gym with nigel, went home after that and now i'm here..

had a chat with nigel, and i was enlightened, lol.. but at the same time, questions pop in too..

no matter what, shall keep on hoping, for the day that this wall will crumble, and what i find on the other side, shall be something more than now..

Stanzas for the day:
Love starts with a smile,
Grows with a kiss,
and ends with a tear

movie, talk, thoughts

2009-08-11T00:01:00.002+08:00

Went out to see GI JOE: Rise of the Cobra, nice show! Cool weaponry though, make me think if i should just join the army next time and don need worry abt finding jobs already.. went out with yu duan, lol, was late in meeting her, sorry abt that! she had to wait for me but she went shopping, so no time wasted, XD

reached le went makan first cause movie was at 4.20pm, lol, the movie was two hours long! my butt almost sprain, i'm use to standing and not sitting, -_- after that, we were on our way home, managed to convinced her to take to joo koon and back again, lol.. as usual, talk and chit chat our time away, nothing much happen though, jus the chit chat session causing me to rethink my stand on some stuff,

its been ages since i have felt this way, the helplessness to do anything at all,
from today onwards, going to share a quote/poems with everyone,

Someday someone might come into your life and love you the way you've always wanted.
If your someday was yesterday, learn.
If your someday is tomorrow, hope.
If your someday is today, cherish.

and i'm wondering, when is it my day?

those days..

2009-08-07T00:12:00.002+08:00

for those were the days that make life happy...

today totally went to class and waste my time there, RWPS was supposed to be doing some reflection thing but since the teacher didnt remember to take out the disc from her laptop, and she didnt bring the laptop, me and tianwei couldnt do.. -_-,

after school discussed abt the ITB project.. headache, don noe wat to do sia, topic so big, hai yo.. met yu duan and went running around gombak area... quite nice, ran for one hour.. while wating for bus talk with her, lol.. no please, me and her is impossible de, -_-

do you know what it feels like loving somone and see them rush to threw u away?

do you know what it feels like to be the last one, to know the lock on the door has change?

old song, but wonderful sentences, that can describe wat anyone is feeling anytime,

and its true, the old saying,

if you are questioning if you like someone,

u have already fallen in love with that person..

and i wonder why..

cough, go away lah! i don like u, :(

2009-08-05T00:47:00.002+08:00

Nice right, my Art Work! :D

MAD!!! (Adeline's Design, nice nice?)

Its been a while since i have updated this blog, busy with talent time, why are you people pulling out? now its so much easier for the rest to go into the finals, no fun liao.. no matter what, the show must go on..

die, my september holidays are gone, lol.. 3 MAD camp, 1 GYL camp, 1 DTRM Camp, 1 Cruise Trip... oh well, cant complain, this is what i sign up for.. hope that there's time left over to work only..

seems like mask is gonna be what i get, need to get my feel back and learn to look deeper, look underneath and not be fooled by the different layers, else, all i get is heartache.. no matter what, old friends are still the best, for ppl like them, u can talk and talk and they will understand...

there's going to be a CA2 test later on, hope that i can score.. dead for the day, gonna sleep now,

P.S: the main library is cool! Jenn, u can do it de, i'm morally supporting u, lol...

a thousand different masks,

which to peel,

which to show,

but where's the real you?

complains

2009-08-04T00:01:00.000+08:00

its just a simple thing, whats wrong with it, may i ask, if thats the case than i really don noe what to say, something doesnt conform and i'm make to take the fall, wat kind of logic is this.

a picture tells a thousand words

2009-08-02T00:20:00.001+08:00

still coughing like mad.. oh well.. lets hope it will get well soon, been looking through old photos, and new ones too.. seems like memories were just yesterdays... there's been lots of changes, some for the better, some for the worst, hoped everyone's alright..

once read,
it takes courage to walk alone,
do we,
have the courage?

sleepy saturday... STUPID COUGH

2009-08-01T18:18:00.001+08:00

sleepy saturday... for the very first time, i slept from yesterday 4pm all the way to today 3pm, a total of 11 hours of sleep... and this is not due to me coming back from a camp! a record... oh well, now i noe what it feels like to be really sick, don have the strength to do anything at all.. mind wondering and couldnt concentrate, wasted two days of study! best to start studying tonight.... couldnt join the class at sentosa today.. sad! oh well, there's always a next time.. :D

not many ppl,
will have the courage,
to stand alone,
in this world

cough cough go away

2009-07-31T14:14:00.000+08:00

skip stats lecture today, went home and now here i am typing... coughing and feeling like shit the entire day, couldnt tahan and tada, lecture poned... since no ONOW today, so went home.. took medicine le, now going to sleep.. post some more later..

OPENED EYES... coughing like an idiot

2009-07-30T22:47:00.003+08:00

going to copy down a few quotes that i just remembered from my literature books when i was way back in Secondary One. The book is called The Little Prince and the quotes are super abstract.. but i like it, :D

Quote 1:
"I should never have listened to her," he confided to me one day, "One should never listen to the flowers. One should simply look at them and breathe their fragrance."

Quote 2:
"Where are the people?" resumed the little prince at last. "It's a little lonely in the desert...""It is lonely when you're among people, too," said the snake.

Quote 3:
Language is the source of misunderstandings.

Quote 4 (MY FAVOURITE):
Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

today was a hectic/irritating/happy day, we shall see what's going to happen soon, what stuff are going to be changed and what things will never change. therefore, my above phrase!!! :D Nice right, its true that an empty vessel makes the loudest noise, and jus coincidentally, an empty vessel really burst my ear drums today... Store from after school onwards, than Auditions, it went super fast, -_- but it was quite successful, so clap clap to adeline especially, and the rest of the SB Club that came down, XD looking forward to the rest,

tired out though, reached home, ate and sat infront of my lappy since.. didnt study econs at all, PROMISED! 2MR WILL STUDY!

its been too long since so much things crop up, i thought all these will be left behind in secondary school, but no, it chooses to manifest itself here in poly too, i can either stand aside and laugh, or do something abt it..

randoming in process, cough cough

2009-07-29T23:04:00.003+08:00

the classic stunned look

wei lin, stop looking at LINUS! He belongs to MELVIN!

Huiru shy shy seh , *hint hint* ZH :D

Nice emotions, :D

Another scandal in the making, oh well..

Random pics for the day,

reached class and first thing i heard, Ms Pang : Tony, can u be the Expression Web Group Leader? stunned, look at the guys and of course, its them again, saboed me.. haiz

today was a boring day, coughing slightly nonstop.. reached the end of the day and went gym, and knew at once that i felt weaker than before cause i was still ill.. -_- reached home and ate, than slacked all the way until now.. 2mr is ECONS DAY! I PROMISED! Poly 50 today also, didnt help out cause forgot to submit name to Bryan, never mind.. GOOD LUCK TO YU DUAN, JANICE AND BERNICE. Hope they reached their respective targets..

projects and projects, when will i have time to sit back, relax and enjoy myself in school?

misty eyes,

seems like,

yesterday,

was just a dream,

sick like an idiot, i'm bored

2009-07-28T20:50:00.001+08:00

Top: SAGA,

Bottom: Me, Jia Qi, Zaki ( i noe i look gay, don need say anything else, thank you very much)

breathless, couldnt see whats happening with me, mind shutting down, feeling faint.. reaspy voice, a bored mind, what else could be more unproductive?

i need to get a life, will someone jio me out? haiz, hpathbp, bye bye le, don need to watch anymore, -_-

its been awhile since that feeling struck me, looking back through time, to that period, it brings back so much memory.. no matter what, sorry..

going back to school 2mr i guess, bored of staying at home.. lets see what interesting stuff happen 2mr.. :D

a phrase my junior found,
meeting you was fate,
becoming ur friend was a choice,
falling in love with you i had no control over..

annoyed, pissed off, not happy at all

2009-07-27T00:31:00.002+08:00

my title says it all, thats all the emotions churning inside me now, i cant be bothered with anything anymore, no matter what the consequences, don come back and blame me, jus go on and live ur life. when have u ever spared a thought for me, when have u really show me care and concern, despite all that i had done, u still feel indifferent to all these and couldnt care less.. don bother me anymore, jus let me live in peace..

powerpoint is crap, i cant play my video despite trying for so long, wat the hell, worst come to worst jus insert the whole video.. econs not studied yet, stats not touched yet, pacc haven touched yet, EC dying le, now i noe, what it feels like, when everything falls apart.. even urself..

stars falling,
its the end,
no one hears,
u sinking slowly

POP, mutterings

2009-07-25T00:49:00.002+08:00

stared back into time and space, and reflected on the things i had done, all of it was in the past, and yet, its still haunting me. Making me cautious and afraid.. hardly daring to breath, to hope for more.. when will this shadow pass?

POP for this year Sec $ year 2008/2009... mixed memories as i walk down the school corridor and met them, its been one year plus since my own POP and that day still brought back memories to me.. Glad to see that all of them have grown up well and have mature from being a scrawny young guy to world ready youth.. wish them the best of luck in their O/N level..

in class today, isa look super duper sick, ask her to take care.. lol.. No ONOW class today, super happy.. morning EC was a waste of time.. followed by my booth duty, blasted music at FC 6.. now than realize my laptop quite zai, can last two hour with max volumne.. lol..

silently,
heart pumping,
mind racing,
will it pass?

Paradox

2009-07-23T21:10:00.002+08:00

this decision, only time will tell, if i make the right choice or the wrong choice.. for right or wrong, i decided.. now, its time to see if everything pays off.. for without a doubt, there's always nothing for us to gauge them on..

no doubt no one will understand that phrase, lol.. school ended at ten today, went to JP, than went to gym, tired like mad.. most prob 2mr not going tkd.. oh well, POP 2mr.. going back to TSS to see how the school has change.. and to see my juniors.. they did their part, now is the secondary 3s.. think i'm going to sleep early today and study more 2mr..

for what its worth,
i have decided,
do i,
make things clear?

projects, life, the biggest puzzle of all

2009-07-22T22:43:00.003+08:00

do u ever get the feeling, that watever u are feeling, doesnt seem to be right. that indescrible nagging at the back of your head, that you are getting this all wrong, that the actions u are doing, the pace u put urself through, it all seems like a farce, like as if u will never get all these correct.. do u, do u? what goes around comes around, maybe this is wat is coming back to me now, my retribution for wat i had done..

boring day, slept my way through econs lecture, was wide awake for pacc lecture, thus could understand, ggt lecture as usual was boring, fell asleep halfway through, ended the day and attended a dialogue with the SAA officers.. seems like our club is quite organized as compared to other clubs, oh well.. went home after that, sorry ppl, mum cooked, played, did project and now i'm here typing..

its always when ur heart starts to whisper, a soft murmur in your ear, thats when u start to take notice, and begin to wonder about those things..

comprimise

2009-07-21T23:40:00.003+08:00

see the word up there, thats the thing that most people fail to do and argue about the most.. cant be bothered to handle anything anymore, look at all those couples out there, what makes them click? what makes them settle down and know that they are meant for each other? thats the thing that most ppl will question, and when ppl start questioning, its when things happen.

suddenly, a tightness of breath, i cant breath properly, is it jus a problem thats skin deep, or something more.. i cant decide, what to choose to do?

clouds rising,
maybe sometime,
its time to clear the air,
and see how the sky is like?

rantings

2009-07-20T22:33:00.003+08:00

screams and shouts, phone calling and raised voice, accusation running wild, hope wearing people down. I sat eating my dinner without a word, seems like, its all for naught. now, can u blame me for always going out, to go on long bus ride and mrt trips, to find that peace and solitude that i long for?

should i or should i not? yes or no? commit or don commit? whats the best choice, the correct option? is it too fast, or will this slip away one day? what must be the question that i should ask?

ignore all the above yeah, its just my rantings, anyway, went toa payoh and after searchng for sometime, finally found the shop i was looking for. but, that cause me to be late, SORRY ISA, met huiru at dover and reach class late, didnt seem like we miss anything.. itb was boring, and than went to gym, drank the protein, it taste like wat it said it will taste like? lol.. oh well, i need to take them, if not, my joints and cartilage are going to be gone.. oh well..

when u are faced with a yes or no,
will it be a yes,
or a no?
for the difference,
could potentially change a person's life..

fanciful wonderings

2009-07-18T23:39:00.002+08:00

tired like mad, why do u only come to me now when u have ur problems, when before i had mine and u were nowhere to be found.. why do u only call me korkor now when u need help, when the one u have loved has spurn u and don wan u anymore.

Am i suppose to let go of everything, and jus take u back? am i suppose to forgive those years of loneliness, and shower u with my love and concern once more? can i do that? must i do that? what's the right decision?

is this the way the the story of life will go on. in a vicious circle and never ending hurt? as a guy, can i and will i allow that?

the truth hurts,
its only when u are lost,
than u realize,
that everything is not as it is...

School

2009-06-02T19:58:00.002+08:00

PROJECTS:
1) ONOW
2) ITB
3) GGT/RWPS

oh no, so much things to do and so little time.. haiz. should do my best to settle everything asap.

there was once a girl who thought that she had found it. found the one that she was looking for. She felt that his the one for her, the one that would always make her day shine and her heart flutter with happiness.

She almost fainted the day that guy asked her out. Sadly, things were not meant to be, after being together for one year two months, it all ended.

That fateful day began like no others. The guy brought her out, out to shop along orchard road and to watch a movie later on. That night, after everything is done and they were on their way home, the things that the guy has been wanting to say since that morning came bursting out of him when they were alone at her house void deck.

Looking into her eyes and holding her hands, he told her, "Girl, its over.." With a puzzled expression on her face, she ask him, " what are you talking about? Whats over?" He just replied with one word as he turn and slowly step away from her, "us".

Her mind reeling, she grab for him and was gently push away. Her mind scream "this was not what she had wanted, this was not the ending she had imagined." Her fears turn into agony in her heart which translated to the tears sliding down her face as she sobbed without restrain. All she could manage was a heartfelt, "why?"

the guy answered, gently as if the tears on her face had shown him how fragile she was, "we cant be together, the feelings gone, its over". and with that sentence, he turn and walk away. walk away from their memories, from the months spent together, from the days spent together, from the hours they spent in each others company.

Each memory of their time spent together seem crystal clear now, as if they suddenly had a life of their own. it shone through her tears, and make her painfully aware of how much he had meant to her, of how much he matters to her life.

But, all she could do was stand there forlornly with the tears streaming down her face and watch as he slowly walk out of her life.

thats the girls side of the story. lol.. theres a reason as to why i suddenly post something like that.. but i would only reveal it in time to come.. oh well.. reading that make me think abt a lot of stuff again and realise that sometimes, things in life is not as they seem..

life

2009-05-26T00:11:00.002+08:00

for no matter what, its all been said and done. nothing anyone say or do would make a difference. the words said, the actions taken, its all set in stone. no one would be able to make a difference. when it all comes down to the end, each and everyone of us would walk our own path, no one would be able to comprehend what is going on in each others life and this, this is what is meant by the last mile home.

SUNDAY and SATURDAY

2009-05-17T22:22:00.004+08:00

TRAINING WAS TORTUE. As usual, Mr Alex killed me with his training.. lol.. after that went swimming for awhile to cool down.. was super tired after that.. whole body aching like mad.. went home after eating and have been fiddling with my com ever since..

Sarturday night went to the the airport to sent Jon Tee home. his flying off to france for his culinary class.. would see him again in september.. oh well.. shermond,nicholas c, rayney, yan hui, nevin, noel, ms chai, elton and me were there to sent him off.. after that, board the mrt and we had fun teasing each other after not meeting up for so long.

tested each other mental power and most of us suck.. lol.. couldnt figure out those riddles.. lol.. but at least we had fun!

TKD, Training,School

2009-05-16T09:16:00.003+08:00

Training was tiring.. kee chen came! lol.. spur with him.. need to improve my apeed to catch him.. oh well... whole body was aching like mad after that.. luckily parents came and fetch me after that...

School in the morning was boring as usual.. i slept through half the PACC lecture.. the lecturer was constantly repeating himself like mad.. so jus fall asleep.. stats was ok.. but Dr JAYA was going through the things tat he taught us in class.. so jus revise again..

nothing much to do in school nowadays.. ONOW was fun as usual.. planned a video with the class, super funny.. lol.. group project is still undecided.. waiting for the group to decide.. either childcare center or my school... lol.. i'm fine with anything..

HOMEWORK: ECONS TUTORIAL, PACC, TUTORIAL/ E-TUTORIAL, ITB, STATS TUTORIAL, GGT NOTES REVISION..

last night details

2009-05-13T08:22:00.001+08:00

No homework for yesterday.

Now bored like mad... ITB lesson.. lecturer pratteling on.. wan sleep..

late feelings

2009-05-12T00:23:00.002+08:00

they say that its never too late to do what u want to do.. to think of what u want to do.. to choose to do what you want to do.. but of all these.. what would happen if it comes to feelings? is it too late to feel the way we do.. to noe that we cant choose when the feelings would strike us?

love,loneliness, fear, happiness and sadness, these are just some feelings that we encounter daily.. that we must master and overcome.. that make us who we are.. that defines why we do certain things.. its certainly something that tells us what to do..

rationale thinking might help us cut through the middle.. but the result of these.. would be a decision that is filled without feelings.. and that.. would in turn hurt us even more.. so what does it mean, to choose feelings over critical thinkings.. to do things for the sake of what we feel rather than wat we think. does that bring us down to the level of an animal? curious indeed..

homework.. SB Club.. life

2009-05-11T23:25:00.002+08:00

HOMEWORK: ITB CHAPTER 4, ONOW REPORT, POA E TUTORIAL

had my SB club meeting today.. it was quite.. interesting.. not going to say anything as of now.. lol.. would wait and see.. everything would be revealed 2mr..

early in the morning had group meeting.. shared with each other on what we found up to now.. and started on the Slides for the main GGT lectures.. at least finished up all these.. oh well..

next was POA tutorials.. the teacher is getting irritating as the day pass.. maybe its jus my mood or is it him? i don noe.

than ITB, finally learn something new.. now i understand how everyone feels... lol... it was fun though.. the challenge.. hope that the next lesson would be better..

tats all.. talkin with B now.. she's interrogating me.. -_-

stormy winds,
dark clouds,
its time to rise,
from all these..

HOMEWORK, Cca.. class

2009-05-11T00:10:00.003+08:00

HOMEWORK: POA Tutorial 4, STATS tutorial 2, GGT/RWPS Project, ONOW Project

Decisions have been make, and there's nothing that i can do already.. would jus wait for everything to reveal itself. and than i would decide once more.. only thing is.. i don noe if whatever i decide, would be the best decision. but thats the price that everyone struggles with, and so i shall too..

CLASS T-SHIRT. Most of the people in class have indicated their interest. So now, need to see which other classes would be interested. If we can get a large enough order.. the prices would become cheaper.. and that would benefit everyone in the end..

ITB 2mr would be my first real test.. got to see if i can keep up.. oh well.. And i have a SB club meeting 2mr.. hoping that things would turn out fine.. lol.. looking forward to a camp in tanglin next week..

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.. - William Shakespeare

SPSU, Homework and Decisions

2009-05-07T21:50:00.002+08:00

HOMEWORK: Econs tutorial, POA tutorial, GGT Research, RWPS Background Info research "Profile of Tourists"

School was super slack today, didnt have much stuff to do. GGT tutorial was spent listening to the presentation on China. Wat turn me off was the RWPS. The tutor's voice was like totally screwing into my head. She's like talking and talking and repeating a lot of stuff. And sometimes, the stuff she said don really make sense.. and make the entire class confuse.. -_-

After school went to look at the CCA fair. And thats when major headaches started. Walk around the entire place. There was a hundred and one place to look at and i didnt noe wat to join. Was tempted by the Changi youth ambassador and SPSU. I'm already in SB exco le.. but still.. i wan to join more things.. haiz.. don noe if i would be able to handle everything.

The SPSU interview was a bit freaky. There was like two fans blowing directly at me. Make me feel so cold loh.. and its like.. almost all the departments each had their own questions to ask. Though i indicated that i was interested in the HR department only.. lol.. they ask things like case scenerios and how would we response and all that loh.. answered the best that i could. results would be out next tuesday at 5.30pm.. they say that they would announce it so that means i have to be there physically.. oh well, don noe if i would get in and even if i get in, i don noe which post i would be in.. shall see when the time comes..

sometimes,
the things that we hope for,
would come to pass,
and things that we don hope for,
wouldnt come to pass..

HOMEWORK.. and more

2009-05-05T23:52:00.002+08:00

ECONOMIC = TUTORIAL 3
STATS = SPSS THING, LABORATORY EXERCISE 2

Ok, i think thats all for homework..

Was quite a short day today.. there was a three hour break in between our lesson so the class guys all went laning.. in the end.. we were later for our lectures and had to rush back.. oh well.. learn abt SPSS in stats class today.. it was quite interesting.. something like excel.. and econs was a muddle as usual.. the tutor couldnt understand wat me and melvin were saying.. lol..

Went for the SB Exco Club interview today.. the wait in the waiting room was long but the interview was short.. they ask things like what have u planned before and describe yourself and all that.. answered all their question and than left the room. Results would be out at night. Met new friends while in the waiting room.. lets see, there's Shiyan from DTRM, Vivian and Wei Li? from DBA, Adeline from DFI and of course felicia..

Results came out and i got in.. now i'm hesitating.. don noe if i want to accept the post or not. I want to have something more, but the way the lecturers are saying.. i would be too busy until i do not have time to join other stuff.. and i might want to go for SPSU also.. oh well..

opportunities are there,
for us to grab on to,
once it pass us,
its gone for ever

Restlessness

2009-05-04T22:32:00.002+08:00

Ok, i don noe if there's such a word as in my title but who cares.. lol.. been feeling that way ever since school started. its like there's something missing ba.. like too little things to do de.. not use to that kind of feeling.. 2mr..

2mr i got to go for a SB Club interview.. and the lecturer told me this. If i'm selected, i wouldnt have time to even have a gf.. as of now, i never go and think abt this kinda things.. but, is it really going to be that busy??

I don noe if this is the life that i wan, haiz.. sometimes feel quite lost and out of touch with myself. I believe that everyone has a inner self inside them and its sometimes hard to maintain contact with it when we are too caught up with our life and all thats happening.

Been talking to people, my age, older than me, younger than me.. seems like the feeling has always been there in everyone, some people found ways to deal with it. some let it destory them from within. its killing me. literally.

Faces, which person doesnt have them? everyone is born with one face. But as we grow up, more and more faces are added. until we cant even recognize ourselves anymore.. but it only takes one person, the one that we have always been waiting for. to take a brush, and gently brush alway the paint, the mask and to reveal once more to the world the face that we were born with and to tell us that its alright to be who we are and to face the world proudly..

As Robert Frost once said:
In 3 words, I can sum up everything i have learnt about life. It goes on.

The Leader

2009-05-04T20:31:00.003+08:00

If only they knew how hard it is for me .
I'm turning 16, the world i begin to see.
My friends begin to change, right before my eyes,
and now they seem to laugh, and tell all sorts of lies.
They hang around in groups of three or four;
the language they use... it isn't gentle anymore.
The kids that seem most lonely wind up in their pack,
and those that stand alone, they talk behind their back.
Somehow i feel rejected because i don't conform.
Those that step to their own beat doesn't seem to be the norm.
I've watched a few just fade away, with drugs and alcohol;
and many more have given up, too many to recall.
Alcohol is an option for everyone in my school.
I've lost a friend to booze again; i will not be a fool.
And sex, it seems so open, for everyone to explore.
Three girls i know that came to school don't come here anymore.
If only i could make a difference, what could I do or say?
I would go to school and try my best each and every day.
There is one thing I'd like to do before i graduate.
I'd like to touch them one by one before its too late.

By Tony Overman (Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul)

Meaningful and something to think about.. and all these.. can be seen in the world around me.. Its happening right now and sometimes i do wonder, will all this come to the point where everyone is falling?

lessons and more

2009-05-04T20:10:00.000+08:00

Going to skip all the intro part, anything that anyone want to know abt me, ask me directly. Thanks. And don ask why isnt there a tagboard. Just leave a comment if u wan.

Its officially the third week of school. And somethings that i realize is that everyday is spent waiting for the day to end. But, after the last lesson, everyone would be wondering where to go and what to do. Cause its like there's nothing to do and nowhere to go.

Anyway, today had only two lessons, POA and ITB. POA was as usual spent listening to the lecturer talking abt his stuff. And his super long winded. Ask him one question, he can talk a lot.. -_-

Next up, ITB, that is a retarded module. All the programming that we are doing, my sis told me that when u join a hotel to work, what we need are the basic programming. Reason being that there are templates for us to follow already. And even if u get stuck and all that.. there's something called IT services in each company that is supposed to help u with all these problems.. oh well, lucky its only for one semaster and not a year long module.. haiz.

Went to the main library after the last lesson with nigel. Talk a lot of crap with him.. some important crap and some real crap.. by that time, it was already like 6pm le.. nowhere to go so decided to go home early for once..

i think that there's still POA tutorial to be look at and also econs to look at. NOt forgetting my group work.. I need to go look at the cutural aspect of GREECE.. oh well.. hope that everything would be fine..

Suddenly,
its getting harder,
to see the path,
that we are suppose to walk..